Letters to Sam by Daniel Gottlieb -- Book Review

Book Review

Psychologist Daniel Gottlieb has learned a few things about life since the automobile accident that transformed him into a wheelchair user. He imparts this wisdom in 32 letters to his young grandson. Sam, because of his autism as well as his present age, may not be able to read them for some time.

Dan, known as Pop to his grandson, sees that the situation calls for frankness, and that euphemism won't be helpful. In one of the letters, he informs Sam directly that there is prejudice the world, and he describes some of the hatred that he encountered during his recent trip to Israel. [Page 139] In another letter, he tells the boy that he will need to know about the smart ways to handle bullies at school. [112]

Realizing that it may help Sam to communicate as one disabled person to another, Dan explains how he felt when he went for surgery and when he first became a wheelchair user. [97] This common connection brings Dan to share some feelings which, in our culture, youngsters are probably not accustomed to hearing from their grandparents. Dan describes the anger he felt when he and Sam's grandmother, who died before the boy was born, were divorced. [49]

About the Author

Daniel Gottlieb, a practicing psychologist and family therapist, is the host of "Voices in the Family" on WHYY, Philadelphia's National Public Radio affiliate. A columnist for the Philadelphia Inquirer, he is author of tWo books, including a collection of his columns entitled Voices of Conflict; Voices of Healing. He is the father of two daughters, and Sam is his only grandson. The author's royalties will benefit Cure Autism Now and other children's health organizations.

- From the Publisher

Pop knows that Sam will have to learn skills for dealing with emotions. He advises Sam that one can channel his anger toward the positive activity of making the world a better place. [72] There are some things that Sam will need to know about the human tendency to swing between feeling "productive" and feeling "worthless" [144-145] So many thoughts occur to us, the human mind can be a "dangerous neighborhood." [89] When we feel lost in life, we should consult our "road maps." [122]

Pop also allows Sam to assimilate certain points from parables, as when he tells the story about someone learning to swim. Having faith in the love that other's have for you is a form of floating, and you need to learn that you can trust the water to uphold you. [100-101] In another example of communication by analogy, in a letter written on the occasion of Sam's fourth birthday, the stark reality that "everything is temporary" [111] is communicated through a reflection on "losing your Binky." [109]

This one-of-a-kind volume is a family gift on several levels. As a reference for parenting or grandparenting, or working as an elementary teacher, it shows by example a very direct but very warm manner to communicate life's lessons to a child. This is so, whether the child is physically or mentally handicapped, or merely has the emotional distresses than all children will have. The book can also be read by a child or adolescent (indeed, it was written to a child), perhaps about the same time that the child is learning about sensivity to diversity and multiculturalism, or when the child is acquiring sex education in conjunction with general lessons about what it means to mature emotionally. The book can be given to a child with special needs as one more way to convey the point that you are significant, you are loved, and you are never alone.

Congratulations and thanks to psychologist Daniel Gottlieb for producing a work that, instead of being intended to sit on the shelves of university researchers, will go into the hands, and into the hearts, of families everywhere.

Book review by Mike Lepore for crimsonbird.com

Related books at amazon.com include Grandparenting and Parenting Children With Special Needs