The Wonder of Girls , by Michael Gurian

In The Wonder of Girls Michael Gurian demonstrates the clarity of his approach by identifying precisely which elements of parenting theory he advocates, and which ones he rejects. He's not like the many health and self-help authors who assemble a goulash of other people's ideas and tack their own names on them. The author starts with a few basic axioms and then build them into a practical system.

Gurian begins by rejecting the premise that there is no such thing as human nature. Unfortunately, this premise has been adopted by some feminists in response to the fact that male dominated hierarchies have cited (what is claimed to be) basic female and male nature, to provide an excuse to validate oppressive sex roles. Some sociologists and anthropologists have adopted this false premise out of overreaction to the behavioral determinism of an earlier era of thinking. They have swung to the opposite extreme, and attribute too many facets of human behaviors to "socialization." It's time to stop overreacting like a pendulum to some people's false notions of human nature. The debate known as "nature versus nurture" is not the either/or issue that some have assumed. While environment and experience matter much, recent scientific discoveries, particularly in biochemistry and neurobiology, "checked by experience," [Preface, page xix] nevertheless establish that human nature exists, and it has identifiable female and male aspects.

Gurian began his research by carefully observing "drops in self-esteem" [5] among girls and boys. This led him to identify four suppositions that he syas are simply wrong, and need to be revolutionized. These falsehoods are: (1) that "... human nature is not very important to girls' lives...." [page 8]; (2) that "... women do best when they are independent of men...." [11]; (3) that "... girls are victims...." in male-dominated society [13], an error that promotes "victim identity" [14]; and (4) the supposition that "... girls are dominated by gender stereotypes...." [17]

The author intends to replace these overreactions with what he calls the "intimacy imperative", by which he means "the hidden yearning in every girl's and woman's life to live in a safe web of intimate relationships." This is a necessary starting point if we are "to protect what is most beautiful and inspiring in our daughters even while protecting [their] social rights to equality and physical right to safety." [23]

Having begun with these principles, we can develop what Gurian calls "nature-based theory and nature-based parenting." This is going to require "an interdisciplinary approach to neurobiology, biochemistry, psychology, anthropology, moral theory, and sociology." [24]

The author takes us on a 9-page tour of "the stages of development of a girl's brain" [32], the four stages corresponding closely to stages that are already recognized in every college textbook on child and adolescent development. This leads to an outline of 13 changes in a girl's behavior which parents are likely to observe during her adolescence. [41-42] Next, he analyzes the usual decline in self-esteem among adolescents, the observation that initially got him started in his research.

I have concentrated above only on the first one-sixth of the book because it's Gurian's unique starting point that makes his book special. Over the next approximately 250 pages, the author unfolds all the specific parenting considerations and advice that arise out of that unique start. This includes specific messages for mothers and fathers. Of course, he discusses the many issues expected from any parenting book -- the challenges associated with manners, chores, maturation, education, etc.

A 9-page appendix recommends, for each age group, certain "books and movies that help girls grow." [297] 12-page 2-column index. No illustrations.

Reviewed by Nancy Lepore and Mike Lepore for crimsonbird.com